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Grasping at Straws

Grasping at Straws

” You are grasping at straws” he said in his husky voice.

It was the same argument. How he was keeping tabs on her and how she could not be herself around him. It seemed like there was no end to it. After every argument, Seun always felt he had done enough to show her he had freed the reins she felt constrained in. But every time, she reminded him of how futile his attempts were.

Peju was sprawled on the bed, wondering how a beautiful thing like theirs could have turned sour. Truthfully, she could not deal with the intensity of Seun. He was always fussing over her, worried about her wellbeing, wanting to solve her every problem when all she needed him to do at times was listen. It did not help that they cohabited. She could not just up and walk out. Seun would deem it rude. Sometimes, she just needed to get away from them to think and sort out her demons.

” Seun, we need a break” she said as she broke the silence in the room.

“We are not taking a break from this relationship” he replied as he raised his voice.

“I am not your ex. The fact that a break didn’t work with her doesn’t mean it is the same with me. You need to stop doing this” Peju replied with irritation. She had warned him endlessly about comparing their relationship with his ex anytime she asked for a break.

He felt like his world would collapse every time she asked for a break. He hated how desperate it made him feel. If only she cared about the relationship as much as he did. Seun sighed as he picked his car keys. She stood in front of the door. There was no way she was allowing him drive in the condition he was. This always confused him. Was she stopping him because she cared or because she did not want to live with the guilt if anything happened to him?

“Move out of the way” Seun shouted.

“You will have to beat me for me to do that!” she said, half-laughing.

He sighed as he sat on the bed.

It was exhausting and if she wanted a break, Seun was ready to give her one. She’s always talked about working on herself. She was not used to his kind of love she said. She needed to make peace with God, find a way to love Him, love herself and be ready for Seun’s kind of love. He was ready to give her all that.

“How long is this break for?” Seun asked.

“I don’t know Seun. I can’t say. It might take a while” Peju replied. She hoped today was the day he finally agreed to a break.

“What does this break mean for us? What are we?” he asked seeing as the last time, she had only wanted them to remove the tag from them. It was too confusing for him. She wanted to be with him but yet be without him. He could not wrap his head around it.

“We don’t have any tags. We are just there. I still want you in my life” she replied. She hoped she had done enough to convince him of her intentions.

He sighed as he did not understand what was going on any longer.

“Okay” he said as he laid on the bed ready to sleep.

She joined him in bed, her head on his chest, stroking his chest gently. It was soothing for him. At least they were at peace till the next time trouble reared its head.

I thought she wanted a break, why is she cozy with me? He thought as they drifted to sleep.

 

********************** to be continued**********************

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2017 in Short Story

 

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Changes

Changes

The year was 2015 and everything was going on fine. A great job, a good enough relationship and a budding relationship with God. I admit, due to my nature, I still felt like I could be doing better and I sometimes put some unnecessary pressure on myself, but looking back at it now, it was an exhausting exercise.

Fast forward to 2017, and I must admit, because of life and its ever-changing circumstances, I have changed. Although they are not drastic changes, they are changes that make me happier as a person and makes life easier.

Cynicism – A wise man once said, when someone advices you, before you accept that advice, see if they stand to benefit anything from that advice. If they do, be wary, if they don’t, still be wary, but at least, you are more certain it is good advice. In the last two years, I have come to terms that I have become cynical. I usually think of what a person would gain from a train of thought before I entertain it. At times, it has proven very helpful and other times, I have been proven wrong. Other times, it is just a precaution. I admit, I have developed some form of trust issues from it but, it doesn’t cloud my judgment because I am still logical about situations.

Openness – They say you should be open with your partner in a relationship to make them comfortable but I have also realised the flaw in this. Your openness just might spook your partner out because they are not ready for that level of honesty. However, that has not stopped me from being open. In fact, I have become more open in the last two years than I have ever been. Open to my loved ones though and not strangers. With openness comes this profound peace of mind and joy. Your yes stays your yes, no stays no. There is no need for explanations since you already kept the people that mattered in the loop.

Money – Two years ago, I could not save money to save my life. I spent as much as I earned. Before you jump to my defence and say I had bills to pay, I still live at home. I was what you call a spendthrift. But, slowly but surely, I discovered the need to save and our secure your savings make you when that emergency comes along. Although you are unhappy about spending that money, but at least, you have the money to even cover that emergency. Although I am not perfect at it (read as parents say I am not perfect at it), I have certainly improved. I look forward to the next two years for all the progress I have made.

Women – If we can’t be seen outside together, I won’t entertain your advances. It is not every woman that is good for you. Some of them will strip you of your every belief and some will build you. Two years ago, it was only about the looks for me. A girl had to be beautiful to pique my interest, but these days, it is more than that. A beautiful face alone no longer cuts it. You should be able to contribute to my life as much as I do yours. Also, background is necessary. It goes a long way.

Food – Bread, corned beef, ketchup and jam was a combination I once had no issues eating. These days, I find myself wary of what I eat. I have become more conscious with what I eat. I have cut down on red meat, processed food and fried food.

These are the major changes in my life in the last two years. What are the changes in your life in the last two years? Share with me in the comment section.

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2017 in Rants

 

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In My Solitude

In My Solitude

For as long as I can remember, I have always found comfort in my solitude. Maybe because I am an only child or maybe because I am shy. Whichever one it is, the peace that comes with being alone is something I have always cherished. Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy spending time with my loved ones and people that matter to me, however, time spent alone is very crucial to me. It is easy to confuse solitude with one not having any friends, but, I do have a reasonable number of friends.

Before I digress, this post is simply about the weird things I do when I am alone. Unique things I do when I am alone. In no order, here they are:

  • Daydream about my lineage – My surname is Adeyi. When alone, I sometimes think of who the first Adeyi was. What he was like, what he did, how he got the name, and so on. I wonder how the name came about since we are children of Abraham and last time I checked, Isaac did not name any of his children Adeyi.
  • Alternate Universe – I will blame this on watching too many sci-fi. I wonder what my alternate is doing in their alternate universe. What are the similarities we have; does he feel the pain I feel and is there some sort of portal for us to connect? I also wonder if he is anything like me. I mean, it will be nice to know.
  • Is Life a Dream? – I also imagine what if I woke up from this giant dream to find out I was in JSS3. Oh the horror! It means I’d have to go through some stuff again. Meet some people again and so on. But then, it will be nice, I’ll know what pitfalls to avoid.
  • Read up on conspiracy theories – Every now and then, I enjoy the unbelievable tales of an occasion or the sequence of isolated events that led to a bigger event. These conspiracies theories though unrealistic at times, open your minds to different possibilities that abounds in the world around you. It also lets you have a fresh perspective to events.
  • This one is a bit unnatural and I contemplated putting it, but, what the hell. For those who follow me on social media (read Twitter), I am fascinated with boobs (read big boobs). I always imagine what it’ll be like to have boobs. To be able to grab and hold them whenever I feel like and not having to wait on someone … LOL! Yeah, I know with big tasks comes big responsibilities, I still would not mind.
  • On a final note, when I am alone, I scream at the top of my voice for no reason. It is therapeutic and I recommend for everyone to try it. It helps release the anger and tension you are harbouring. Try it today.

What are the weird things you do when you are alone? Share with me in the comment section.

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2017 in Rants

 

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Cancer

Like the first ray of sunshine ushering in the day,

You brightened my life.

For a moment,

Life was a breeze.

 

Our kisses, flowers of love in full bloom,

Conversations laced with beautiful pearls of wisdom,

Plans laid with the strongest foundation,

We had it going.

 

Then,

The storm hit our perfect little boat.

Your first instinct,

Jump ship.

 

I rallied,

Dragged you in,

Afraid the waters might drown me,

On board, you came, but halfheartedly.

 

Beginning of the end,

It turned out to be.

Our issues, longer than the Nile,

Showed their face every day.

 

In the end,

Our love was a cancer.

Our breakup,

Much needed chemotherapy.

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2016 in Rants

 

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First Cut

She stood over the body, not feeling any iota of guilt. She felt at peace – Peace that had eluded her for the past three months since she found out. She had carefully planned and thought out every single step.

Her mother, God rest her soul, would be proud of her, for her constant nagging about paying more attention to details had finally been a blessing. She would be proud of her thought process in executing her grand plan.

It was exactly three months she found that text that had congratulated him on his engagement. Engagement! She had thought with loads of excitement. Was he going to propose that night? Had he told a friend who was too excited till he did it?

Alas, reading the text further, she found something she did not expect, and it brought along with it the heart-crunching moment she had experienced with Tobore. The only difference was this time, it felt like her body had been mangled by a heavy duty truck.

Hadiza? Who the hell was Hadiza?

Her investigation skills would have put her on the radar of the KGB, it was impressive. Hadiza was the long-lost friend that had called him on that weekend trip to Obudu. She was a fool. Once bitten, twice shy was what she said after Tobore. But not this time. This time, Frank was going to pay.

She could give a vivid description of Frank’s typical day. From leaving home at 7:30am and making that 15 minutes drive to his office to having Vegetable, Moin-Moin and Chicken for breakfast, to him closing at work by 6:00pm and jetting off to the gym afterwards. She knew it all, his routine.

9:00pm was the time to settle the score. Plans were in motion, execution was key. She sat in the chair that faced the door, eyes fixed on its knob. She watched until she heard the key-tumbler turn. That was her cue. With two long strides, she was at the door just as Frank opened it to let himself in. In the blink of an eye, she pushed the button on the Taser and as he convulsed on the floor, she laid down piles of black nylon that he had saved for garbage disposal, tied his hands, legs and mouth with duct tape.

Frank woke up to see her with a scalpel in her hand. She saw him blink back to consciousness and bending over him, showed him a picture of Hadiza on her phone.

“Who is she?” she asked as the yanked the duct tape from his mouth.

Frank gasped for breath and without savoring the sweetness of it, he let it out just as quickly as he’d taken it in. “J-Jesus! What has go- What the hell is going on? What has gotten into y-you? Are you cra-?”

“WHO IS SHE?” she screamed this time cutting him off. Her voice was laced with frustration and anger as she thrust her hand forward and pushed the scalpel against the skin under Frank’s jaws.

“M-my friend,” he replied as blood trickled down his neck and nestled on the collar of his favorite work shirt.

She replaced the duct tape, screamed wrong answer and drove the scalpel into his right knee. His blood gushed out like she’d broken a dam and hit her hand. She didn’t expect it, but the warmth of it delighted and comforted her. The more the blood gushed out, the more she felt at peace. She did not bother to clarify further. He had nailed the coffin when he lied.

That first cut into his knee felt so therapeutic she could not deny herself the pleasure of getting that high. His pain was her drug. It soothed her and she loved it.
She enjoyed every bit of cutting him open. Seeing his eyes pop out of their sockets in excruciating pain pleasured her. They bulged wider as she drove the scalpel deeper. He pleaded with his eyes for her to stop. But no, his pleads only brought more pleasure, and she cut wider.

His every wince and groan paid for the deceit, his eventual death – her salvation.
 

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2014 in Short Story

 

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