Don’t Date My Ex!

07 Jan

Hmmmmm….. What a Monday it has been. First, i left home since 7am only for me to drive halfway and find out I left my phones at home. As if that was not enough, traffic was crazy, almost had the car……………Anyways, today my very good friend and sister @Dj_Fleau is a guest on my blog. She has been on this blog before with the posts Ladies First and Categories of Nigerian Men. She blogs here.

Enjoy it.

I have heard all sorts of rules and regulation. Believe me when I say I have heard all sorts of rules and regulation, I mean I am a Covenant University Alumni and where else can we have heard that much rules if not at the home of a rule maker.Covenant University (CU) has rules ooo. Last time we had that much rules in existence black people were still being asked to sit at the back of the bus

If there is one thing I have learnt about rules is the fact that they are usually born out of occurrences. Something happens and the authorities do not like the result, a rule follows immediately *if you attended CU you would support me on this*…I guess in their mind that makes the rule justifiable. However there is this one rule I am yet to really know how it came to existence and why it is in existence and it is the ‘My friend and ex cannot date rule” WHY?

Before I start I did like to say I am on the fence with this rule before some sly babes or dudes would go and say ope oo someone supports us or before someone who has experienced this would curse me.

Most times when I ask people why they are so mad about their friend and ex dating they go “it’s against the friendship rule” please who wrote the rule and when was the bill passed.

I have heard people get angry because their friends/ex kept it a secret they were dating. You are telling me you would have been okay with it if they told you?

Some get angry because they started dating some months after they broke up. You are saying you would have been okay if they had waited a year or for a longer period of time before they started dating

I really need to get the basis and the clause in this rule. Is it a NO-NO to date your friend’s ex or is it okay to date them as long as some certain instructions are followed?

What if you treated them badly and here is this friend of yours who is going to treat them way better are you saying he/she does not deserve better?

What if they truly fall in love “knowing we can’t control who we fall in love with” are you saying they both do not deserve happiness of some sort?

What if they started dating almost a decade after you guys broke up. Like what does it matter you survived without him all those years?

Why is it considered betrayal if the supposed rule is broken? I understand if you say it is just awkward seeing them together or if it is emotionally disturbing but how is it betrayal?

Let me illustrate there are toys/shoes/things you had and over time no longer showed interest in them and someone tool them. Now tell me did you feel betrayed the next time you saw a friend or sibling rocking it (okay I don’t even know if this illustration makes sense… who cares).

Look you guys are over and forgotten sef it’s not like you were considering getting back and really he was going to date someone else and really it is none of your business who they choose to date next.

However I did like to also say dear friends if your friend breaks up with someone try as much as possible to reduce your familiarity with the person to avoid getting into such situation that would lead to a relationship.

However, between me and you there is no such thing as this rule, neither is it a crime or an offence, but people should respect the emotions of their friends and ex and try not to make them uncomfortable by engaging in such acts.

PS: In all honesty I feel if they really love themselves they should be together, as long as when I was dating the person they never had such feelings for each other and as long as the feelings started coming after we broke I think it’s okay…yes its hard but really you’ll move on believe me. All those babes and guys that hook up with their friend’s ex barely a month after the break sha.. That one no pure oooo…in short your head is not valid at all.

Please it doesn’t even count if you never dated the person sef. Like some girls would be saying well he asked me out first but I didn’t date him why did you betray me by dating him *if I hear* why you no talk yes……



Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Article


Tags: , , , , ,

16 responses to “Don’t Date My Ex!

  1. banjhie

    October 29, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    This is really something to talk about!

  2. J Moks

    January 18, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    Where do I even stand on this issue sef? I think if you had strong feelings for ur ex, u’ld definitely feel “one kind” if the person is dating ur friend, especially if its a close friend of urs. Wait first, so when my friend & I r now gisting, will he be yarning me abt his babe – my ex? Nah mehn! Can’t deal, just can’t.

    N.B. Loooool @ ur last paragraph.

  3. @arcodam29

    January 8, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Lol, I love dis ooo……I was almost a victim of dis circumstance….my situation was kinda twisted cos my friend developed feelings for my ex before I even dated her, so the nite we broke up,na so my friend start to dey toast am oooo….but my ex respected what we had and turned him down and of course my friendship(with my guy) really suffered for this atrocious act

  4. TDB

    January 8, 2013 at 12:28 am

    nice one dj_fleau,, i have missed ur blog. in my opinion, its wrong and a no go area. its a morally grey area and best avoided, it will most likely wreck the relationship wiv u and your friend.

  5. nneka rita

    January 7, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    Honestly,its goin 2 be wierd seein dem 2geda,buh all u can do is wish dem d best cos weda u like it or not dy wld go on,evn if it doesn’t last..but bear in mind dt d friendship level is goin 2 drop,dats if it doesn’t end totally!

  6. Temitope

    January 7, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Actually, the topic is really crazy. I too, don’t support the rule thing but there are certain things involved in one dating a friend’s ex that i think may disturb the new relationship. The relationship and friendship cannot be balanced, one part has to suffer(the latter most definitely). And lets face it, there’ll be, sort of, sense of guilt on the part of the new lovers.

  7. meg omotoso

    January 7, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Errm,okhay ıts gonna be quıte akward to see them 2geda,even ıf u try to act nıce,all ur gestures wıll be suggestıve and akward to them. But hell yeah! Everyone deserves to be happy and ıf they are makıng a mıstake ın d process,let them learn from ıt nonı.

  8. @missroyal05

    January 7, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Well I feel its just awkward…..I don’t mind if my ex dates someone else but my friend?hmmm…it will be hard oooo!

  9. The_Nerdy_Chick

    January 7, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    I’ve never been put in a position that would require me to ask a friend not to date my ex. But you should look at it this way.

    I think this rule came into existence not because they don’t wanna be happy for their friend or because they feel their friend has no right to be with their ex. I think it’s become a rule because no one enjoys watching their ex and friend being happy and successful at something that didn’t work for them.

    I dunno if you’ve ever been in a position where you have to sit through the happiness that exists between your friend and ex (something you never had). It’s kind of depressing and it’s a reminder that things could’ve been better. If there’s anything that hurts a human more, it’s the fact that they can’t take back all the mistakes they’ve made.

    And in the long run though the friendship might end up ruined. For example, Chick A might not feel comfortable conversing with Chick B ’cause she’s always yammering on about Boyfriend X and in a bid to avoid that, Chick A might remove herself outta the equation just so she wouldn’t have to go through the hurt.

    So I’m thinking this rule was borne outta the need to shove away constant reminders of a failed relationship and the possibility of losing a friend, not out of jealousy.

  10. jobams

    January 7, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Are u in love with ur friend’s ex or perhaps frustration must be killing u. If not, just let d matter be.

  11. Official

    January 7, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    it really doesnt matter #experience

  12. @ileseunayo

    January 7, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    This one na banana peel kwa! In all honesty its a free world, dating someone shouldn’t have an exceprion if there is love between both parties. But in the issue of a Friend and an Ex, the discretion of those involved is really important.

  13. REDD

    January 7, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    The sooner we realise there’s really no rule book to these sort of things, the better for us humans, ahaaan we too like to give ourself wahala…HIAN!!!

  14. Mezie

    January 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Well, the problem lies in knowing how to determine when affections first develop. Was it pre or post the break up?

  15. funmi

    January 7, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Well its not fair and simple Amaramel

  16. amaramel

    January 7, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Don’t date friends exes FAIR AND SIMPlE


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