My very good friend @jeunebelle even though she doesn’t have a blog wrote this as a response to my letter.
DISCLAIMER: This post is the mischievous work of my imagination. However, it may or may not express my true opinions.
#NoteToSelf In your next life try not to be the last child.
After marrying off 3 daughters and helping 2 sons get wives my family seems to be excited about the grande finale. So much advice, I figure the best bet is to enter into a contract or remain single. This is my counter offer to the draft of an agreement I stumbled upon.
Dear Future Husband,
I know you are somewhere out there trying to become the man you think will deserve me. I’ll be rooting for you from here. Hopefully you get to read this because it will help you understand how best to keep us both happy. Here are my thoughts.
1.Thou Shall Know How to Cook
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Well seeing as you know how to cook that will be a piece of cake as you will cook the meals and I will serve them. That’s an easier way of getting into your heart. So worry not. We have no need for fast foods. I would not mind breakfast in bed, I will compensate you with dinner in bed!
2. Thou Shall Give Head
You may or may not be on Twitter. This issue however has been over flogged there. And we women have let it be known that the number ’69’ will never be just a number again. You will have your head as long as I get mine first. We will definitely take the edge off. Do not worry, I will definitely take a bath too.
3. Thou Shall Not Tie Wrapper in My House.
I do not like wrappers and I am most happy in my shorts and tank tops.I am comfortable with my sexuality and if walking around in my nudity would serve a good purpose I would not refrain from doing just that.
4.Thou Shall Have Something Doing
This is a given. I am too driven and ambitious to seat at home and take care of you and our children. I am glad we agree on this. However I most probably will be wealthier than you will be. I hope you will be able to handle that!
5.Thou Shall Be A Fan of Man Utd (or at least football)
I am not only a football fan but an avid Manchester United fan. This is good for business seeing as if we mistakenly get whooped again we would best know how to console each other.
6. Thou Shall Tell Me What I Have Done Wrong or At Least Give Hint
For expensive gifts, trust me when I say I will not let any wrong of yours go unnoticed. Just do not call me a nag because its what you want and the gifts ensure swift forgiveness and that will ensure less problems. However I want you to note the word ‘expensive’ because I can buy myself credit and Man Utd jerseys.
Finally, I do not want the same fabrics. Similar colour schemes will be just fine thank you. I stopped wearing uniform in secondary school.
I hope we now understand each other. I have dumped my boyfriend and I hope you have severed all unholy ties that we may begin our journey.
And finally, remember that if you go broke I’ll go to a divorce lawyer.
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